skirt

its been to long,
since i have written
- spilled my fears
all over the floor
-spilled my worries
my cares, and the small
joys that come sweeping
into my life -

i need to write,
to share the glory
of parenting -
to shed light onto
the things i do.

she came to me one day
"can boys wear skirts mama"
-  i paused, collecting
my thoughts and then,
 - " yes, darling they can -
just like you can wear pants. the
clothing you wear doesnt define
if your a girl or a boy"

a few weeks later,
after hearing alot about this little
boy elliot - her best friend.
I met him - and as he looked up
at me, my heart raced..
" hi izzies mom, do you like my skirt?"
- " yes, i do," i respond

how proud am i, of this little children
this souls - willing to just discover the world
they seek, they learn to no bounds
no perverse fear of what others think,
nor are they limited to the barriers of a warped
society - thank  heavens for brilliant little minds

This day

Had one of those tough days: the kind that starts well but is interrupted by some person set out to leave you in disparity. I started weeping at my desk.. Quickly left and found a place outside to cry... I had a few good people tell me wonderful things.. The best quote a single mom friend gave me was

' the moment someone tells you that you aren't good enough is the moment you know your better than them' --

All I know is I will overcome and never let cruel words and intentions get the best of me...

I can read

Sitting in the soda fountain over a year ago my girl looks at me and says " that Sign says .. ' eat lots of icecream"

Last night reading 'Danny and the Dinasaur' there's a little ad the dinasaur hides behind .. Toots says " this says brush your teeth every morning" and sure enough it did. Then turning the page and seeing a water tank -- she exclaims " this should say not gas" haha

Brilliant little mind and she's mine all mine

Tact

" I like you and I really love you -- but I really don't want you in the room.." - my three year old boldly stated at nap time... I never imagined such tact -- but hey.. I chuckled as I left the room... What a thought

Impose

I'm not one to impose my issues on others if I can help it. I'm commonly not one to complain. But being a single mom is a lot of work. When it feels the heaviest is when bills come about. After the bills there's not much left for the rest of frivolous desires. It's harder to get by these days and it doesn't seem like I can work enough. Sometimes I just want to take a little extra and do something just for me .. But alas there's not that extra . Hopefully I can put aside a little for just a retreat to the coffee shop - I'm not much of a shopper but thrifting and a haircut does sound good -- maybe just a little me time?! Much needed much desired

Retreat

As a single mom.. The hardest lesson is to take moments for ones self. As we are dedicated to a life playing numerous roles of mother, father, provider and all whilst being a woman. I find that I have found retreat in small moments.. Sitting in a splice of sunlight, basking in a hot bath.. Driving with no music while I wander through ideas. It's encouraging to be reminded.. We are most content when we stay present in the 'now' - as we challenge ourselves to be all we are and much more

B.rohe

immutible

there is some immutable truth in life - the immutible truth that the past remains constant. there is no undoing - no alternate path to how we got to where we are today. perhaps this realization, secured within my mind..has encouraged me to be present 'now'.

the greatest gift i have found in life is the overcoming. i sit as i write and consider - the vastness of space that divides my present mode and the motion of my past. when i begin to quantify my greatest awakening..i consider the unfolding of all i am. it would have began almost five years ago. i have overcome, i have struggled, i have mulled and conquered battles uniimaginable & though all these experiences have brought me to extreme lows and beautiful highs- i am grateful for where it has taken me.

we have moved ten times during this period, two by choice and eight times by circumstance. i never imagined that i would find myself, with the joy of my life..to overcome and shift while trying to maintain balance. through all the upheaval i have sought dearly to find a balance and endless continuum of love and peace within our life. we have overcome being with an abusive man, i have outgrown many youthful insecurities, we have left things behind -- tucked a few suitcases in an old beaten car, we have traveled thousands of miles; and all along the way met milestones of growth, planted roots, made connections and found a way to smile.

i never imagined at the age of 22, that i would overcome tragedy, fear death, write a living will, watch my baby take her first steps alone, become a single mother, lose family & regain a few, conquer fears, make homes across the west, learn to simplify and all at once grow into my own womanly mind and body.

the moments when i thought my spirit would be crushed, i found it soaring at great heights. the most extreme downfalls became the momentum i needed to keep running. here i am - emboldened, learning with an open heart. the life i have now, is the only life i want. i need no promise - only this moment to be content. here i am - five years into being a single mother, I'm proud to say - we are making it... never have i been more satisfied.

b.rohe