familiar routine

our routine is so familiar - today was easier than others. i awake, it feels like fall - the light is taking longer to illuminate our world - even the sun is sleepy - but i am oh' so awake. the work out did wonders- my mind would not slow. so the early morning started, my favorite part is you waking up and exclaiming- "oh yay mumma, a buutiful sweeatshurt.." - you are a delight, an absolute - precious -  utmost quintessential love! your smile and adoring nature leave me breathless..thank you, darling - for making my mornings oh - so lovely --' mummy' is truly fortuitous when it comes to my 'M' - my gift..

first day of my life - Bright Eyes

"yours is the first face i saw, i think i was blind before i met you..

this is the first day of my life - i am glad i didn't die before i met you --"

challenges & victories

i challenge myself to be better then what i know - i have discovered that i am greater than even i once knew. it delights me to know that i can find a balance - my mode. i love being a mom, but it is not without its small challenges and brilliant victories. today you practiced being a big girl with your toddler panties - and i struggled to control my fluttering heart and thoughts as feelings overwhelmed my senses. i am weary of moving - but as a refocused i saw you claiming the day with your brilliance - your amazing ability of being independent and strong all in one. you are a wonder my tiny love - a wonder to behold. your brazen spirit allows me to anticipate your growth. i look back on images of you and i - how-- how far we have come darling love. thank you for growing with me - and when the tears fill my eyes - thank you for holding my face in your hands and for pushing away the tears -- "shhhssh mumma" your little voice sooths - you remind me to be still. be still my heart -  my being -- a moment at a time - glory in this..

days off-

its my first two days off - you seem to understand that mommy needs sleep so after a morning eats, you play silently while i try to catch a few moments of rest. i feel so lucky to have you caring for me as i care for you. our day passes swiftly with bath times, book times, art projects and quick errands in the blazing heat. there are a few moments that stick out to me darling child- the way you race your little bike leaning forward hair blazing -- round, round round the coach you go. the way we dance together on the wood floor to music that varies from kanye west to the jungle book "I wanna be a man- man cub.."-- you shimmy and shake until we are panting on the floor in which you insist on sitting on me and "giddle giddle tickle" your smile voice chimes as you force your little fingers beneath my chin. we laugh, sweat dripping off our foreheads. Shawn of the Sheep was our evening movie - not much talking - yet the brayyinng of shawn set off our giggles. our favorite was 'shawn the farmer' i laughed and watched you cover your mouth with your hands as you laugh aloud. my mind wanders- i wish - wish we could be farmers together- we need a little space/ a place to call our own...it should happen in time. but it feels like soon is an eternity. we make a home of what we have, we are lucky indeed to have what we do - im dedicated to creating a little slice of heaven just for you ---a little soil to get our hands dirty in, maybe even a sheep someday. or a puppy just for you!

her

you, my darling child leave me utterly stunned - dazed - and i face a plethera of emotions all which include; joy, enthusiasm, pride, adoration and great appriciation for the light you have cast upon my often weary heart. I watched you spin in circles to the whimsical music, as it floated around your little arms, i gleamed as you flung your head back and smiled as the wind brushed your hair against your tiny glasses. your raw and sheer delight -, in twirling without thought captivates my attention. you draw all eyes to you the moment you walk into a room -- i can only imagine you as a young woman bold, brilliant and full of unlimited potential. i then blink and your little legs are growing, your limbs lengthening your body stretching as you grow centemeters or inches taller, your movements are well developed and your mind a whirlwind of thoughts. vocabulary is getting better, but i still love that you have your toddler accent. "thank you muma" you say to me, or "i'm sorry muma" - i do not know how you are so polite but im proud. you make my heart swell, and my eyes fill with the glistening of tears - pride. you are my pride and joy-- you are the gift of life that has given me - all one could ever wish for - you - her - my girl ---

b.nicole

you & me

this song is a song i sang whilst driving hundreds of miles in a beat up car with my love and the few material things i could fit into the trunk. i thought & sang "you & me baby can do anything..anything/yes.yes.." right now this song feels good, feels familiar -- i like familiar, because familiar is often uncommon..my mind is thick and pressured so i wish i could " pack your bags /something small, take what you need and disappear, without a trace we will be gone-gone-gone. moon and the stars we will follow the car and then when we get to the ocean, we gonna take the boat to the end of the world..."

so much to ponder

I find my mind continuously rambling on, I busy my hands with the work of a mother, the challenges of a single parent..but my mind will not stop ticking like a worn clock. my body is awake, my mind is reverberating questions but my heart is weary..how does it become so. the time in a day does not hold enough hours to satisfy my list of to-do's nor my pocketbook enough dough to satisfy the I would-like-to's. so i tuck away my girl for the night, reading her " I love you all the way to the moon --- and back" -- my love is endless and so it seems that we have just enough, her & i. i try to embrace the small things, but when i get a thought of the big picture and mental notes of changes that are soon to come via new place, possible new job oppertunites and a need for a blance - i become --- beyond that which can be feared but -rather-- timid. yes, i feel timid and alone. yes those words work just fine-- i am timid at the thought of More change...i want to find a constant - a balance - i want to discover a normal pace -- i just want to be me -

there is so much in my head, i long to know where to begin...but i start with what i have to do, and wish that my dreamliketrancecalledsleep will lull my mind into-- sheer oblivion. peace .rest. breathe....

good morning love

"good morning/good morning looove" - john legend ,runs through my brain. my neck feel stiff, my eyes still a bit pasty feeling..i clamber out of bed, the sun has not yet risen, the whole house is silent, i'm the only one awake - not even the birds feel like warming their throats in tune. i feel alive, just enough to get the day going -eggs in a pan- work clothes damply spinning in the dryer, thun thung thunk--- a fresh wash of the face, clambering into cutoffs and t-shirt, lunches packed, backs packed, diaper changed -- "mommy wanna hold you".."my dancey shooeess" pink ballet flats and a mussed raven haired beauty clinging to my arm, slipping into the car - john mayor croons as her eyes slip into sleep once more- morning, morning, morning just beginning - brush the cobwebs off a weary heart - love love in size 2t, waiting until my work day ends, just to start the tried and true commitment - motherhood


-b.rohe

falling - an inspiration

lady love

this is my lady love -- my sole driving force. the one true thing that has given me a taste of a true love - this is the girl that drives my every day - it is unfathomable to imagine my life without her. this is my little baby, the child who has taught me that one true thing can be constant and it starts with the stability of ones self. i desire to be so much more than i ever have known, not only for myself but so that i may gift this beautiful child with all the tools to be a successfull and strong woman. i anticipate every waking moment that i can live, learn and grow...

b.rohe

the dawn of something new..

here emerges - a newly found desire -- to be a voice of constant reminder - encouragement to all single mothers. through trivial complaints, or perhaps a lesson learned while tripping up. secrets and an insight to growing up, and learning that there is no fear in falling, we can pick up and always continue on. may this have a desired inspiration for all my ladies who do the work of two, but with the energy of one -- the resources of one, may we join forces to make many hands. a help when we feel love, when we fall down, when we get a little confused or when we need to cheer for the small accomplishments.  amidst the varied themes of life...let us give & be given, love & be loved, but never stop going --

b.rohe